The Apocalypse According To The iPhone by The Shirelles

"I went a-walking the other day and everything was goin' fine
I met a boy shitting about with his iPhone     [you know that was sic]
And I almost lost my mind"

It's like the end of the fucking world. But it's not all purple skies darkening in a broody mix of impending doom (a la dropping blood into water or summit) and crazy shit falling out of the sky like dead birds and four horseman playing shit music on their speaker-phone systumz. It's a bit more mundane than that. It's almost pleasant  now that Spring has sprung.

It's like the end of the world and you know it's all gone hopelessly wrong but accompanied with 'Mama Said' by The Shirelles:

Mama said they'll be days like this/Mama said Mama said

Slightly chirpy, but also yes, a bit of a downer. It's actually something more akin to The Running Man with The Shirelles soundtrack. ( terrible spoiler coming...)  The Running Man is film starring a would-be American(ish) politician playing an would-be American(ish) politician who is erm, running.
A lot.
And he has some crazy stuff happening every so often. You didn't miss much. But a lesson was surely missed somewhere.

Being the absolute suit-wearing FT-reading deal-breaking London cock that I am, I would love for such a law to be enforced so as to be able to decapitate people reading their iPhone or Blackberry when walking down the street. If any decent political party campaigning for a decent feed and their moat polished for the next five years wants my vote, then I make my plea here forthwith that they shall have my vote come 6th May in the Year of Our Lord Help Us 2010, on that very condition!

My eyes are wide open
But all that I can see is,
  iPhones are callin for everyone but-a me 

My entreaties shall not end there, For I shall see a brighter dawn than to cast off thou guilty head as Apollo slain the serpants at Mount Parnassus, and save humanity from its empending apocalypse. I think we can overt the crisis at hand with a swift resolution.

Mama said there'll be days like this,
There'll be days like this Mama said
(Mama said, mama said)
Mama said there'll be days like this,
There'll be days like this my Mama said 

If you need to read an email, wait until you reach the office. You probably do jack shit all day anyway and it's only the boss selling you tickets to the Justin Beiber Greatest Hits World Tour. Feel the smooth rounded edges of your precious toy. Smell the smog, take a minute to think about who you are, and what you really want out of life.
Then let me chop your head off. While having a ghettoblaster in your face with The Shirelles singin':

There'll be days like this Mama said
(Mama said, mama said)
Mama said there'll be days like this,
There'll be days like this my Mama said

If you're annoyed that Google Maps is telling you that Tottenham Court Road station is about 5 miles South West of Honolulu, that because you should have been chained at the neck and dragged by electric shackles via Bluetooth through the TfL broadband shag-pack workout. Or read a conventional map in your hotel room. 

You see people, these are the choices, the potential futures. All I'm doing is giving you the wider picture.

And then she said someone will [come] at me
like I'm [coming] at you [with a sword] one day, [sic]
then I might find
I don't want it any old way,
so I don't worry cause

I'd love nothing more if we could march to work in unity, as one body, holding hands, free with the knowledge, that knowledge is at our fingertips for whenever we want it. Empowered by our beliefs we could build better relationships and break down the walls of inequality and poverty and save the world from any future harm.

I'd still want to chop your head off afterwards though. And I'd quite like an iPhone too. 

Mama said there'll be days like this,
There'll be days like this Mama said
(Mama said, mama said)